Lil - We Love You

...and we know you are grieving in your own way. We are so deeply sad for your losses.

We haven't posted all the wonderful and amazing and/or ridiculously cute things you say and do... we have a lot of catching up to do.

But your sweetness shines through the darkest night - from when you told us about the tiny pool in heaven, to the many times you've wiped my tears off my face all of your own volition, to the cupcake and flowers that you designated in memory of Gwen, to the story you asked me to tell last night about Aunt Marie taking you to the water park where she jumped off "top tower" with you (completely made up - a wonderful wishful-memory).

So, so many things you say and do - as you watch us cope through unbearable losses - and just so many things you say and do in regular life - we pray that we are caring for you well enough and are there for you as parents... during a time when we are pained by loss even as we are filled full with our rich love of you.

Tonight I had to blog this - for you are just too much!

You wandered into our room. You found Daddy there. You asked in your sweet little voice, "Daddy, why are you in here?"

"I"m a little bit sad," Daddy replied.

"Are you sad about Gwenyth?" you asked.

"Yes."

Sweetly you responded, "I'm sad about Gwenyth too."

Then, you inquired further, "Are you sad about Aunt Marie?"

"Yes," said Daddy.

You replied, "I'm sad about Aunt Marie too."

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And, in perfect step with exactly where a almost three-year-old is, in this situation, where, the sadness, once so acknowledged, once addressed and confirmed, and your questions received satisfactory answers, you spied the i-pad and asked...

"Can I play little girl games?"
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Your baby sister was almost two months old.
Your Aunt Marie just one month away from turning 20.
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Every memory of you with each of them we hold tight and treasure.
You had some wonderful moments with these two...
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Lil. You once had a little sister. With eyes that were blue and deep...

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Your Aunt Marie had blond hair and blue eyes like you...and her laugh...
The the best laugh you've ever heard...










(practicing holding her nieces...)




(the last time you and your Aunt Marie were together....
a video Chat in Philly a couple weeks after Gwen was born.)