Lillian played with some organically shaped wood blocks. One looked like a tree trunk and the other piece was sort of an oval cut-out shape. She held the two pieces together, the oval on top of the "trunk". She said it was a tree with green leaves. Then she said the tree got old. Very slowly she lowered the tree. Then she open her hands and say the tree fell down. Then she'd pick it back up and say something about it being okay and having green leaves and repeat the "game" or the story, again and again.
We struggled with how to tell her about Marie. It hadn't been as immediate a concern since Lil didn't see Marie on a daily basis. Part of me just didn't ever want to tell her and hoped she never notice that she hadn't see Marie in a while. But, later that day she pointed to a picture and said "that's Aunt Becca, and that's Aunt Marie." I realized that we had to tell her sooner than later. Not that she would ask, but that I do know she's heard us talking and I she knows who Marie is, it is better that she knows. I just didn't know how or when.
Finally, late last night, when she had joined the adults because she wouldn't settle - she wanted to be in our bed, but we weren't going to bed yet. We felt she was feeling a bit insecure and needed to be with us. So we let her come join it - it was late, but it was okay. A moment of sadness overtook Myers and he bent his head and with his hand in his face he cried. Lil was near, and in her sweet voice, as she had done earlier that day when this had also occurred she said are you sad Daddy? I realized that this was it - I wanted her to know it wasn't just our Gwen. I said, yes, he was sad and it is because we miss someone, we are missing Marie because she went to heaven and we won't see her again for a long, long time. Lillian said, "was she old?"
Myers puzzled it together - they were in a forest and saw a tree that had fallen down. Myers actually struggled with whether or not to use the word "dead" when he told her why it was lying down. But he did - what else do you say and really, she's two. Dead is just a new word to her. And how beguine and uncomplicated a dead tree now seems. There is no emotion involved and it won't be missed like a person. But, now we see how beautiful a teaching moment that was and how sharp a two-and a half year old can be. She is processing everything and I'm so glad that she has something to help her grip the concept in her own way.
My favorite part is that she puts the tree back up again.
